Done With Training

I've worked a Full Time week this week for training and learning. Of course their is still a million things to learn and do, but so far so good. I really like working there and its good until I find something better. I love my co-workers. The office manager, Michelle, is great. She's so smart and me and her share a couple quirks, which is funny. There is another girl, Rosa. She's nice to me, but I've been warned, LOL. I just want to continue the ways things are right now cuz I haven't seen the worst of her, I assume. The doctor is great. The office is really busy so I don't get to talk to him much, but he seems like he really cares about his employees so thats all I can really hope for. He's got a sense of humor I've found out. That always makes the work environment better. All the girls in the vision center seem great too. They all seem equally sarcastic, funny, and caring all at the same time. Most of them have kids though, and that's great, but I sort of feel like i don't fit in or something. Oh well, like I said, they all seem great and I'm happy to get to know all of them more.

BBW is gonna get crazy soon. Next week I'm working 4 days (a lot for there!) and I know that once thanksgiving gets here it'll be nucking futs and I wouldn't have it any other way! I really get excited when i work and I feel like I can do things and be of help to someone and YEAH. I can't really put in into words, its just a feeling of accomplishment at the end of the day.

In the back of my head I'm praying that my job will at least go FT soon, maybe even before the end of the year. I've got some plans though! I think I'll share them:

I want to redo my room. Not a full re-decorate, but I want to get a fresh coat of pant on the walls to freshen up the color and get a new duvet cover for my bed. Its gotta be something that matches my boner pink walls though so I'm still researching to find the right one.

I want to buy christmas presents this year for my friends and family. That's important to me and its something that I haven't always done because I haven't had money. Its gonna happen this year, damnit!

There are a couple new items that I want that are completely ridiculous, that I'll buy just because....
*a Betsey Johnson handbag
*a pair of Paige jeans (Paige brand premium denim)
*a new shower head, the removable kind, LOL
*and a couple of shows on DVD....One Tree Hill, 90210, and Gilmore Girls to start.


Well, I guess that's all! I don't really have much to say, just that I love working! I'm tired, goodnight.

I'm working now!

So it all happened so quickly that I didn't have time to think about it really. I have another PT job. An eye doctor's office, doing pretty much all daily operations...checking in patients, scheduling, pre-testing, payments, etc, etc, etc. Its a very small but very busy office. I think I'm gonna like it. Usually my 1st instinct is the best and its pretty easy going.

Its not a FT job with great benefits and I hope its not my lifelong career, but I'm excited to be finally working a regular schedule. The doctor and office manager both told me yesterday (my first day) that they really wanted me to go FT soon, but they had to figure a few things out first. Like I said, the office is so tiny, but they wanted to bring in a second doctor. They are remodeling next year and hoped good things would happen with that and since the office just switched over to a new and improved computer system, I assume they are just feelings things out right. I don't care though...I'm so relieved to have 3 full days of work a week for now thats all I'm concerned with.

I've soooooo gotten over everything that I had planned for my life, LOL. I do still have a sense of humor. I'm just go to work, take care of my patient's eyes, and keep looking for something better until I find it, or until I go FT at this office if I like it.

I feel weird too. Yesterday I learned a lot, but nothing their is hard, its just learning the process really. I feel like I fit in and today I should be able to jump in and start helping out. I wanted to have things to tell people about my first day, but I don't know what to say. I've worked medical office before and its not much different...you just greet patients, answer phones, and do the daily grind. I don't know what else there is to say really. I just hope this will put some money in pocket, I can pay my car payment and cel phone, and snap me out of this fog! LOL. I do have to be there in about an hour so I need to have some breakfast. I'm excited!

So much time, So little to do.

I wish I could, without sounding ridiculously desperate, how extremely bored I am not doing anything so an employer would hire me.

I'm still without a full time job, and I'm bitter, so I'm gonna explain something (again) really stupid.

I'm gonna talk about TWILIGHT. So quit reading now if you don't care, LOL.

I first read all 4 books last august, saw the 1st movie when it came out, and am now re-reading the series (1 book down, 3 to go!) I have no idea why the world of twilight is so all-consuming. I'm not a ridiculous 14 year old who is all "oh edward...." but really, and this is coming from so one who is normally so level-headed and serious, its just so POWERFUL. And here's why:

BELLA: The main character and most of the series is in her perspective. At first I didn't like Bella much. She's clumsy, attracts disaster, and doesn't realize how beautiful she is. But as many stupid mistakes as she makes (actually this emphasizes her human traits in her world of vampires so its a good thing). Her character is sort of annoying at times, especially in the 2nd book, but maybe I can understand why.
There are certain things about Bella that I identify with too. She likes to be alone and accepts silence and revels in it. This is totally me and its probably what I love most about Bella's character. She does spend time with friends and isn't socially awkward or anything and she's so smart and even witty at times, but she doesn't feel an obligation to be surrounded by people all the time. This, of course is great for Edward, but being able to identify with Bella's preference of being alone is great because so many people in my life don't understand and I think that I'm viewed wrong because of it.

EDWARD: I know, I know...what can be said that hasn't already? Well, I've got something, HAHA. Edward is possibly the most perfect love interest in any form of fiction I've ever seen, read, or even thought about and there are so many levels of his attraction to Bella that its so fascinating that I don't think I'd ever get tired of reading about it. I don't want to rub anyone's face it or anything, but if there is anyone on the planet who is like this fictional god of perfection, it might just be the person I'm lucky enough to be spending my life with. Yeah that's right I said it....KC is reminds me of Edward, and I'm not just saying that to sound good.
He can't read my mind...that is quite clear, LOL.
He's not supersonic fast...but faster than anyone else I know.
He's not cold blooded, but I don't mind.
He can't rip a full-grown tree out of the ground and throw it 1000 yards, but he's the strongest person I know and I can never over-power him. He could do enough damage (but never would) to make me think thats all I can handle.
He drives like a maniac...well, he used to. He's toned it down
But this is the characteristic that melts my heart. We've together long enough to get over than crazy honeymoon type intoxicating love (well, mostly, LOL) but when I first read Twilight, the reason I was so hooked was because in the beginning Edward talked to Bella in the exact same way that he talked me.
He didn't confess is undieing, immortal love, of course...but he curiosity and protectivness in the beginning was so indearing and so special that I've always though if something where to happen to us that no one else would ever measure up and I mean that to the core. And I'm not making this up because all of this happened long before Twilight was even first available to the public. I remember a lot of things he said to me in the beginning and I hope I never forget, but being able to re-live it through the relationship of Edward and Bella is just so magical.
At least in the movie, Edward played by Rob Pattinson is perfection. Reading the book before the movie, I imagined Edward looking exactly dead-on as he does in the movie. I'm not a Pattinson fan though....I'm a fan of Edward.

CHARLIE: In the book, it never exactly describes Charlie's look, and I was so very pleasantly surprise that in the movie he's HOTT. Yeah that's right Bella, your dad's a stud.

CARLISLE: Not as pretty in the movie as I imagined and he looks too old. Don't get me wrong, I love Peter Fascinelli and I do think he's very nice looking, but I don't think it translates in the movie as good as it should.

ROSALIE: dead on

ALICE: dead on

JASPER: not sure, but he works. I sort of wish he looked a little scruffier, but re-reading the books and imaging in the actor in the book, its a hard connection, oh well.

JACOB: dead on

EMMETT: Oh Emmett...sigh. Of course, put into the the twilight world I'd rather have edward because of his speed and intellect but EMMETT...he's so gorgeous!!!!!! Obviously its hard for me to deny my perfereance in real-life of muscles, and Emmett in the movie is probably close to what I imagine because I can't think of anything closer. Like I've said a million times...Maybe I would choose Team Emmett if given the chance. He's definitely sexy.

So maybe now I do sound like an obcessed, crazy 14 year old, but I feel my thoughts are justified. I know that Twilight is considered a Teen book, but that hasn't stopped millions of people from reading and loving it just as much as I do. Maybe I'm just making excuses, but I feel like their are deeper meanings behind the book more than just Bella and Edward's love story. I really hope that the Twilight series becomes legendary. It may not be a totally adult series, but I beleive that Bella and Edward's love and his attempts to protect her, and her strength and courage are legendary and they should get the respect they deserve. I love twilight, and I'm not ashamed.





This didn't waste as much time as I'd hoped. I'm still insanely bored and its not even 10am. I hate this.

The duck

Yesterday I went to an "interview" for a sales position. A company with a duck mascot. It wasn't exactly an interview, but an opportunity as long as I wanted it, I assume. A person like me could really do well in it if I work hard enough, but the catch is this: I need a 200 dollar insurance license, and its 100% paid on commission so there is no guarentee of me ever getting paid. I really don't like that at all. I'm so broke right now that I can't afford to pay any of my own things other than a few basic toiletries and my parents pay for everything else and I can't take it. Its such a gamble! If i had a little money saved it would be a lot easier to make such a decision because I would have something to fall back on. Technically, I do have the 200 for the license, but not much more than for time and travel to get the license, and gas money, time, clothing, etc to make sales calls before I sell my first initial contract and get paid. Some people want to say I'm not loosing anything, but really I am because I can't afford to do it, but I also can't afford to not do it...its such a gamble and I'm just not good with this!

I don't know what to do. For the first time in my life I can't trust my intuition and just do it because minute by minute my gut feelings change and I just can't decide. I wish I wasn't such a mess, but oh well, right?

All other jobs I was looking forward are completely out now. I feel like i'm back to square one. Please, God...help me.

Is it me?

My entire life at the moment revolves around finding a job, a real job. It happens every single time I have a goal. In college, it was the same way. It ruins my ability to relax and have fun because I can't relax until I reach whatever goal it is. The only problem is, I went straight from college to job hunting without a break because I couldn't take a break....are you following this?

Sometimes I wonder if it's my fault that I do this. Well, I know its my fault for acting this way, but I wonder if its my fault that this behavior is the reason why I don't have a job. I take it too seriously. But its my life...how can I not take it seriously? Does anyone get what I'm going thru here?

Lately, my usually high self confidence has been greatly declining. It comes out in my interviews, sadly. I've adopted this weird silence where its hard to talk to anyone, especially a potential employer. I still feel like I interview well and I don't get emotional in interviews, but it literally takes everything I have to walk in with a smile on face, sit down, talk, and listen and answer questions. I feel like its my fault that I don't have a job yet because of this behavior and I don't know how to change it.

The silence comes from the fact that I feel like people never shut up. I know that I talk to much at times too, but all day long, not matter where I go or what I do, there are people around me running their mouths about everything except things that matter. I love talking to people that are positive, interesting, and communicate their thoughts and opinions well, but those conversations are so few and far in between. I think the last time I had a conversation like this with a stranger was weeks ago at the church where there is a free gym that I work out at a lot. He was an older man, at least 65. He had a heart attack a while ago and was still on oxygen, but he was working towards recovery by walking on the treadmill. I, of course, in my attempts to not talk to anyone, had my headphones in and he began to talk anyways. I took one ear out to listen and soon took out both ears and put my ipod away and continued to converse with this man for as long as was on the treadmill that day. We talked about faith, church, and he shared his story of his young adopted granddaughter who had suffered some stranger medical issues that left her blind. It was so refreshing to hear how this man, his family, and his granddaughter stayed positive and you could definitely tell this man knew what he was doing in life because of his genuine happiness. I miss that in people. I really do. I pick up way to easily on the attitudes of others and I know this, so this is the kind of people I want to talk to for encouragment.

If it is so easy for me to talk to strangers, why is it so hard for me to find words to talk to my friends and family? I honestly have no idea. Its not that I don't want to talk to them, I want to talk to all of them...but I just can't find the words. Why is that? Its so frustrating and I can't really describe what it is or what it feels like...its just a weird silence. I hope its just a phase and once I figure some things out maybe it'll get better.

Most of the time I feel like every problem that affects me is directly my fault. I tell myself that its not, but I can't be convinced. I got thru college in 4 years which to me is still a huge deal, but I don't feel like I have anything to show for it. The longer I look for a job, the more I feel like I will never have anything to show for it, except the fact that my parents money can buy anything but I can't do anything for myself. Its a very humbling experience, but not in a good way. Maybe I've been overconfident for too long, maybe I'm not as great as I was told I was. Either way it doesn't matter. I'm not here to be the best, I'm here to work hard and help people who are less fortunate than me. But one more question, How can I do that without direction?

Thats what I need, direction. I don't feel like its in the classroom, I don't feel like its in a job persay, I don't know where it is, but I know that I'm not gonna find it by spending even more money that isn't mine and I'm not gonna find by stupid distractions such as vacations, drinking, and feeling "entitled" to the fun things in life. To me, all those things are a reward of hard work put in. I haven't done that yet apparently so I'm just waiting and praying for my chance. I'll go anywhere or do anything, i just need to find it soon.

I'm going running now....hopefully to sweat out the negative energy in me and have a good weekend. There isn't any jon hunting on the weekends, by the way.

A little fun again

So my job interview yesterday went, well...ok i guess. We'll just have to wait and see what happens. There is something else I need to get off my chest that is so stupid, I can only say it in a blog that no one reads, haha. Here it is:

CURRENT TRENDS I WISH WOULD GO AWAY!!!!!! and some other things that people do with fashion that really annoys me...

(1)PEEP TOE PUMPS I prefer open toe sandals and pumps for summer and close toe for winter. I know that the current trend tells people to wear peep-toes with tights in the winter but I think it looks stupid and incomplete.

(2) LONG TUNIC TOPS WITH TIGHTS/SKINNY JEANS/ETC I don't mind roomier tops but not the ones that are long enough to be dresses. I think a long top with tights or tight pants should be kept to those girls 12 and under. It just looks weird.

(3) DRASTICALLY SKINNY JEANS AKA, THE ONES THAT LOOK PAINTED ON AND HIGH WAISTED JEANS. Not everyone can pull off low-rise jeans, and that is just fine. but jeans with a 10 inch zipper or that cover well about the belly button are just UNcomfortable!!!!! I have a pair of shorts that is pretty high rise and yes they suck me in, but I can't hardly stand to sit in them and depending on the top, they look bunchy and stupid. Come on people!

(4) SOLID COLOR T-SHIRTS LAYERED WITH A TANK TOP *OVER* THE T. Once again, a great way to look 10 years old. I can't stand this look on ANYONE. A tank top is a tank top for a reason, to show off shoulders and back. A t-shirt is a t-shirt for a reason, to cover up shoulders and back. I don't care how cute you think your tank is, don't wear it OVER a t-shirt, EVER.

(5) WHAT'S WITH ALL THE LAYERS, ANYWAYS? Ok, I don't understand this at all! In the hot summer months, you see people out wearing jeans, flip flops, a t-shirt, at least one and sometimes 2 tanks underneath, and a bra. Really? That many straps looks ridiculous. Lighten up! Wear just a bra and one shirt. What is so wrong with that? In some, not all circumstances, less is more. I'm not saying run around naked or anything, but people who wear so many layers look complicated, like they are trying to cover something up, and who wants that, right?

(6) FLIP-FLOPS WITH EVERYTHING. This one really gets to me. We all love flip-flops, and I wear tons of them in the summer with casual outfits and to the lake/pool/beach. NEVER NEVER EVER EVER wear flip flops with dress pants, dresses or skirts. It completely ruins the outfit and makes you look as cheap as your $5 wal-mart flip-flops. I'm not saying you have to wear hooker-stilettos, their are some great cute, comfortable flat sandals and mary-janes that look great and actually say "I know what I'm doing" a million times better than a stupid pair of flip flops.

------Ok, I feel better now. I'm sure as soon as the next fashion season rolls around I'll have a ton more to add to this list, lol. Later bitches.

Another Interview in a Couple Hours!

This time its a medical office. Medical assistant for a neurologist in town. I'm really excited about this one! Its hard sometimes for me consider wearing scrubs everyday indefinitely, but why am I complaining about that? LOL! The doctor is a woman and that sort of intimidates me for obvious reasons. Working in a medical office full of women is hard enough as it is but I've never worked for a woman doctor before. This could be great, or not so great, but we shall see!

I finally heard back from the imaging center and its just what I expected...I'm not gonna get a 2nd interview because there are many more qualified people with sales experience. I really wanted the job, but I'm ok with that answer because I knew what I was up against. I'm still very flattered with just getting an interview. Maybe the position will open again someday when I'm even better qualified, who knows?!

I haven't heard back from the communications company either. I really would love to get a call back before my interview today, but that isn't going to happen, LOL. Honestly, I don't know which to take if offered both. I don't want to get my hopes up or assume I'm that awesome, but I'm just exploring my options. It'll come down to what pays more, frankly, and scrubs vs. business attire. I know that doesn't mean ANYTHING AT ALL, but it could be important in the long run.

Still, interviewing alone gives me a boost in confidence and moral, even when I don't get the job. I know that eventually I'll find something, as long as my resumes are being reviewed and people are at least interested in what I have to offer.

On a lighter note, anyone know where I can find a webkinz grey arabian? I need one yesterday and I don't think they exist in Somerset and its starting to annoy me. After my interview since I'll already be dressed and out I need to look a couple more places.

This is day is only complicated by the fact that I'm having an allergy issue. There is a ton of pressure in my head and my throat is semi-closed. Not a full on attack yet, but I hope I can keep it under wraps and do a good job in my interview and come home and crash until I feel better. Yay for interviews, I'll let you know as soon I know how it goes!

I had an interview today with one of the communications companies in town. Its a cool job, or at least I think so. The interview didn't last too long, but it was intense! I was interviewed by the regional manager and the store manager. They were both very nice and easy to talk to so I wasn't intimidated. Their questions though...wow. It was a situation where all the questions were basically the same, but you had to come up with a different scenario for each answer, and everyone seemed like it was about my retail job at BBW, not what I could personally do to perform well on that job. They seemed to take it seriously, which I respect because it makes me feel like, if offered the job, that I will be taken seriously and my position will be a respectable one. I hate to admit it now, but I'm gonna feel bad if I dont' get this job. Its true that there are probably more qualified people out there for this position, but my ability to learn a position and sale as good or better than anyone is the reason that they should hire me over someone else. I told them that too, but it sounds better of course. LOL.

I did well at not sounding desperate, even though I pretty much am at this point. My paychecks from BBW last less than a day and I can't spend anything at all, ever. Whether its something I need or just want...I can't spend money right now and its killing me. I feel like I have no freedom whatsoever! I just really hope that I get this job! I can't even imagine how good it will feel to pay my car payment and be able to buy a freakin' tube of mascara and not feel guilty for it. I don't even care what the pay is! Min. Wage at 40 hours a week is still pretty incredible in my book. I really hope that I get this job. Sorry, have I said that too much?

Anyways...I feel good, and I'm trying to be postitive and confident. They said they wanted it filled next week, so here goes I guess.
On a lighter noted, this week is gonna feel good. Today is my gma's bday and we are going to dinner with her, This is inventory week at BBW so I get to work 2 full, real work days and I'm sooooo excited about that, one of my best friends is moving away to attend vet school and on friday we are gonna celebrate, and HOPEFULLY on saturday my boyfriend is going to compete in his first body building competion. I'm really excited for that. Even though I won't get my paycheck for these extra hours for 2 more weeks, it will be something great to look forward too.

I guess that's all for now. I've been down lately and I haven't felt the best because of it, but its my own personal philosophy that people have down days and up days. When you have a down day, in my opinion, just go with flow. Get some extra rest and do what makes you happy and don't worry about what anyone else things about it. I'm so over other people right now its not even funny. Here's my thought though...if you can't be selfish when you are 22 and single (well, not married is what I mean) when can you be? Love it or hate it, thats how I feel.

Digesting

I'm letting my lunch digest before working out. I should have went this morning but I just couldn't get myself going. The earlier I work out the better (and easier) it is, but when I have all day and nothing to do, its hard to get anywhere early.

I just typed a lot of text that took me a long time, but i deleted it all because it was a lot of bitching. I'm going to take a shower and go out. Not to the gym, but just go out. Later.

Sunday

Sundays are great and gross at the same time. I love getting up and going to church, going to lunch with KC's fam, having a good afternoon and sometimes working the afternoon away. Sundays are gross sometimes because of the way people act differently on sundays. Its probably just because we live in the bible belt, but on Sundays people drive differently, speak differently, and act differently and it bothers me, But, you can't change other people so I guess all I can do is not change who I am on sundays...

I have another interview soon, about a week away. This is just a job, not a career. At least its full time and I will take it if offered (I'm pretty confident I'll get it based on the qualifications, i'm WAY over qualified). Its considered a "retail" position, but I don't understand what is retail about working for a cable/internet/telephone company. Oh well, guess I'm about to find out. I would like to believe that within the next month my income will be greatly increased no matter what. I hope I'm not being over-confident, but it is way past time for me to have a full time job.

I'm still looking for better jobs too. If I get one of these positions, I won't spend hours a day seraching like I do now, but I'm not gonna be satisfied until I'm making what I'm worth. I'm not greedy, I am aware of my skills and ability to serve and I'll keep looking until my career meets those requirments. Nothing great has popped up lately, just some store management jobs in the "big city", which i can't see myself doing unless I absolutely have to. I have several friends who are in the job market and we all have different sets of skills so I always recommend jobs to them as I see them fit. I really want to help my friends get jobs because if i see a job that I can't do, I'd like a hard working honest person to have it. And, I feel like we all gotta help each other out these days.

Ok, I'm getting cliche! Just wanted to update where I stand at this point. Sundays are such a great day. Every sunday night I tell myself "this is the week" and sometimes i feel like it works. This is the week! Go me!

Today is A good day

Today is a good day.

I've had a lot of stressful days lately. Working 1 day a week at my part time job sucks, lowering my standards when it come to applying for jobs sucks, and people suck.

But today is a good day. After filling out more apps and handing in more resumes, something finally happened and in about an hour I have an interview with a medical imaging company to be their Marketing Manager. Sounds great. I wish the job was still posted on the board where I found it so I could accurately give info on the job and why I'm qualified for it, but I can't find it. Its not my dream job, but its something that I can get excited about. Its probably in the top 3 of jobs that I've REALLY wanted since I've been in the market.

Last friday I went to visit my roommate and order my bridesmaid dress for her wedding in september. That was great. It felt so good to get out of town, spend the day doing FUN stuff, and try on pretty dresses. I've felt better since then actually. Who knew having fun was the answer? I'm totally kidding, LOL.

So I'm excited, but trying not get my hopes up too much. There is no doubt in my mind that I can do this job, and I'm ready for the responsibility and whatever else comes with it. I'm just hoping and praying that I can successfully portray myself to these hiring people. Here's goes, wish me luck!

Thank you.

Things seem to be looking up, sort of. No jobs or interviews yet, but I got some good news within the last 24 hours.

1) A huge retail chain called me and asked for an interview for a Cosmetic Manager position. I turned it down. I think the job sounded great and I know that I would do a great and probably really enjoy it. But...I turned it down for several reasons. One being it was in the "big city" and hour and a half away and they couldn't offer me the base pay I require to move there. I do often apply for jobs in the "big city" but never end up going because I can't afford an apartment, bills, living expenses, etc. on the salary they offer. Two, being I would hate to take it knowing that its such a self-centered position, just like my current job. I know that I would really enjoy this job and really do well, but I would rather do something that is less petty and more charitable to those less fortunate than myself. On the other hand...if they offered more money or I find the same job here, I'll take it. Sounds hypocritical, but in my mind it makes sense. Three...I don't wanna leave KC.

2) I met a friend of mine a few years ago purely by chance and even though we don't see each other too often, she has turned into a really great friend and I appreciate her so much. She is an up-and-coming business owner in the greater area and I really admire her for doing what she's doing. She is in charge of a women's club meeting in July and asked me to be a guest speaker. I will talk about something health/fitness/wellness/nutrition related, I just haven't come up with a program yet. I asked her if I could do it, and she is allowing me the opportunity. Its not a huge meeting or anything too big, but it is an opportunity to speak to people in the community, get the word out, show my knowledge and skills, and network and market myself to these women. I have no idea who these women are, but it'll be a real test for me and I'm very excited that my friend trusts me enough to do this! Yes, its a little intimidating, but I will do it as a challenge to prove to myself that I know my stuff. Yeah!

3) I applied for 2 more jobs this morning at the same local company. One is a higher-up job, and one is (as I assume) entry level. The industry isn't anything I've thought of before, but I'm confident that I can do and its a company that seems easy to climb the latter in. I would love to hear back! Its something that most people in the area use on a daily basis and I think I would be selling/promoting the business to new customers and encouraging current customers to upgrade. Because of my recent "successes", I'm feeling confident.

*I still want this job that I had to jump through the hoops to even apply for. Since its a state job, its taking a while to get things processed, but its always in the back of my mind. Pray for me because its the job that I think I was made to do. We shall see...

No news in good news...whatever!

How come every single job out there tells you to apply online, but I have never heard back from a company whose online application I've done?

I've been having good days and bad. Today is bad. I'm pretty low on the encouragement scale. I feel so hopeless that its hard to even concentrate in my prayers. I keep asking God why he is doing this to me, but at the same time I tell myself "its because YOU aren't doing enough" and then prayer just leaves me and I get depressed again. God is not an agree God, and I don't feel like I've let him down too much...yet. But still, I only blame myself when things go wrong, not God. I know that I need to pray harder when that happens, but something just disconnects and I don't know how to stop it.

The only thing I haven't done is get in my car and drive door to door asking for jobs. I haven't done this because I don't feel as if it matters first of all, whether I apply online or whether I hear it from a real person: a NO is a NO no matter where it comes from. A second reason I haven't done this is because I still don't feel fully recovered from that horrid period of my life called college. Its still a miracle in my mind that I got out alive. It was hard. I'm no stranger to hard work, I enjoy, I embrace it and look forward to it. College on the other hand, really bothered me. Its the only time in my life where I felt hopeless and now I feel like its rubbing off on my job search.

I'm still confident that something will come through eventually and I still feel good about my life and my education. I know that there is one thing that will save me in my job search: If I could just get some interviews! I just want to meet someone face to face and have the opportunity to sale myself and I know that no one will be able to tell me know that way. Maybe I need to rework my resume or something to show who I am...but how can I do that in brief words of work experience and education? I don't understand! If I were a manager, I'd forget resumes, and call back every semi-qualified applicant because sometimes the most experience doesn't always mean that is the person you need at the time. I hope that makes sense.

Well, that is just a bunch of rambling, but isn't that what a blog is for? Guess so! I'm lost, so any CONSTRUCTIVE AND ENCOURAGING words would be nice. If you feel the need to belittle me, you can do that too, cuz I'm pretty numb to that by now. Yeah!

3 More Today...

So this morning in the middle of a DREADED app for a retail manager (I kept skipping over this, but I finally decided to put in for it because it seemed to be screaming at me) I get a call from my boss at BBW. "Can you work 11-4?" Of course I can! I got dressed immediately and went in and was pretty excited about the 5 extra hours I'd be picking up. I also picked up 10 or so extra this weekend and I'm glad for it.

When I got home from my shift, I canceled the app I was working on. I just couldn't do it. My boss at BBW is so awesome, and I really appreciate her imput because it's so refreshing. What I mean by that is she is of a similar background (college education and working in career that she's happy in without it taking over her life) and she's not from my state at all. Sometimes its good to talk to people who haven't been here their entire lifes. Sometimes people get so used to the way things are in their little bubble, and I like what my boss has to say because its actually and truly something DIFFERENT from what everyone else tells me. Also, I feel like she believes in me and knows that I deserve something better than what I've got. Its her saying stuff like that, that makes me want to work harder and better for her.

Anyways...I did apply for 3 more jobs. 2 are at the local hospital (sadly, niether are kines related) and one is at the local Community College. Both were easy to apply for and didn't take very long compared to others that i've done because I've applied for other jobs in the same firms before so i was pretty much just makeing sure all my previous info was current.

The job at the college is probably what I'd like the most. All 3 of these jobs are full time, but the college is offering a VERY NICE salary starting out, more than any other job i've seen. I'm very hopeful that I can at least get an interview. A lady I've known for a very long time is an administrator there, and I used her as a reference so I hope that'll help.
One job sounds like an organizing position in the radiology department. I have to wonder how much it'll pay, but I'll take it if they offer it because I love organizing and I can really see myself doing the job they listed.
The last job was an administrative assistant and it really depends on the department for which I'd work for that would be the deciding factor. I would really like to get an interview and talk the position over more before I make up my mind, but I think I was born to be an assistant. I'm so great at taking instruction and completing tasks that have been givin to me.

I don't feel like I'm being picky, I just pick the jobs that I have a instict towards. These are today's 3 and honestly my goal now is just to get an INTERVIEW so I can show SOMEONE how I can be an excellent employee. I'm overly willing and overly able to dedicate myself to a company/position/cause/whatever and start saving money so that I can live a life similar to what my head and heart tells me would be good for me. That may not make sense, but it does inside of my head.

On a lighter note, at midnight I will be paid...my first paycheck since January. I can't go splurge or anything, but it'll be nice to go get a couple things at the store without spending my last 3 dollars. Paychecks are great and I hope there are many more in the future. YEAH!

Some fun stuff this time!

So far this morning, I've been researching some ideas for continuing my education. I've been looking into and M.P.H. (master's in public health) and CHES (community health education specialist) certification. EKU offers MPH, which is a drivable distance for class, and I looked into online programs. Online would be my 1st choice, but all the ones I've found so far require 3+ years of full time work experience. I never heard of that, but if I get a Kines/health job, I'd be great to look into, save money, and plan for it in the future. I answered 13/15 CHES sample questions correct and they offer reasonable study material. I could definitely handle that and it would look great on my resume.

I said fun stuff right? Well, I want to share some of my favorite bath and beauty products! I love finding new and interesting products thanks to my part time gig as an associate at Bath and Body Works.

1) CO Bigelow Rose Salve: a dry skin MUST. Its a lip balm, but the package advertises it for lips, cuticles, elbows/knees, and other dry spots. I have really dry skin all the time, and just a little of this slicked on lips perfects them. Its long lasting too, I put it on before bed and wake up the next morning with still almost-slick lips. Same when I workout...its the only lip product that doesn't come off, even after an hour of heavy breathing.

2) The ENTIRE LINE of True Blue Spa products from Bath and Body Works.
It's slightly expensive (most products between $10 and $20), but COMPLETELY worth it, and they last forever! Most of the creams contain varying amounts of shea butter, which must be the best moisturizing ingredient known to man. I've sampled most products, but the ones I love most and use a lot are: "Lay it on thick" body cream (great for legs after a shave!) "Look Ma, New Hands" hand cream (I HATE hand cream, but LOVE this product), "Just a Minute" 60-second manicure scrub (exactly what it says...its a perfect manicure in a jar), "Need a Margarita" body wash (smells like one!), "Be more pacific" body wash and "Tahiti Sweetie" Lotion (a vacation in a tube! I use them together because they are in the same collection), "I'm in the mood for scrub" body scrub (Like I said, I have really dry skin and I've used EVERY scrub known to man and this one is by far my fav).
TBS also has a collection of sun products and feet products. There are millions of customers who are dedicated buyers of "Heel of Approval" cracked heel treatment. I've never tried it, but I'm sure if you had cracked heels, this would be my recommendation.

3) Jergens Ultra Healing Lotion. Thick and rich, but absorbs so well. I could bath in it! I've every lotion known to man, and for a drug store brand, this gets my vote.

4) Ocean Potion Sunscreen and aftersun lotion: The sunscreens are amazing...I use SPF30 and still tan thru. I know, I know, any tanning is bad, but I never burn when I apply it the right way and i get plenty tan. The sunscreen is quality stuff with UVA and UVB protection and its antiaging. Also, the after sun lotion is so great I could use it all year round! Even when I get too much sun, I slather it on 2-3 times a day and NEVER peel. And...I can't stand to put on lotion unless its right after a shower, but this absorbs so quick and feels so good that I can put it on whenever and whereever i want and its just perfect. The smell is great too! Its so beachy and tropical. My boyfriend doesn't like it, but he tolerates it well.

5) L'Oreal telescopic mascara. I get compliments every single day on my eyelashes and this is why. By far the best mascara in the world. The length is unbelievale and it really stays on great. I don't buy the waterproof formula (and there is one), and i can get splashed with water, get caught in the rain, or cry a little (not bawl) and its basically fine. I love this stuff and no other mascara can even come close!

6)Mary Kay eye make up remover! This stuff is perfect. Gets rid of everything fast and isn't greasy at all. Every other remover i've tried is so oily (even the oil free kinds) and takes at least 2-3 cotton balls and a ton of wiping to get rid of everything. This leaves my eyes moisuturized and not feeling like i've pulled the skin around to much. LOVE IT!

I'll post more of my favorite beauty products later. I have so many!

A college graduate job searching: What I've done in 6 weeks.

I finally decided I needed a blog to let out my frustrations about how a young, dynamic, capable person cannot find a good job that can support a decent life. I'm not blaming any one person, but I don't feel as if my current troubles are my fault.

I am 22 years old, and I recently graduated from a small, private, liberal arts college. I have a bachelor's degree of science in kinesiology and I minored in chemistry. There are no specific jobs calling for this degree, but I will never regret dedicating those 4 years of my life to studying health and wellness. Kinesiology is sometimes called "exercise science". I use that term to describe it to people who don't understand, but I'd rather call it Kines. because exercise science makes me think of a personal trainer. That IS NOT what I am. I'm much more than that.

In my college classes, in high school as a student athletic trainer, and through my own personal studying, I now consider myself a "Health and Wellness Professional" and if I ever get around to making business cards before I get a job, that is going to be my tag line. I have a HUGE amount of knowledge and know-how in almost every realm of health and wellness: REHABILITATION, FITNESS, NUTRITION, ANATOMY, HUMAN AND EXERCISE PHYSIOLOGY, MEASUREMENT AND EVALUATION OF SPORT AND HEALTH, PUBLIC HEALTH, ATHLETIC TRAINING, FIRST AID, PREVENTION OF INJURY (ATHLETIC AND OTHERWISE), SPORT/HEALTH PSYCHOLOGY AND SOCIOLOGY, BIOMECHANICS, INORGANIC, ORGANIC, AND BIOCHEMISTRY, and the unique ability to adapt and think outside the box....so I know that there is no better candidate for ANY career in health and wellness than me.

I'm hard working, strong, independent, great at taking instruction and constructive criticism, punctual, and most of all: WILLING to throw myself at full force into a career where I will hopefully make people's lives happier and healthier.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

There is another side to this story as well: I hope that I get the privilege of staying in the greater Lake Cumberland, KY area. 100% of my family is here. I've been dating a man for 4.5 years whom I want to marry and settle with. We might already be married, except who can afford to get married when neither party has a full time job? He is in the same boat as me. Same degree, basically the same experience, only he's been searching for a year longer than me because he graduated in 2008.

Aside from my personal desire to stay close to home...who can afford to move to a higher-living expense area? I make slightly over minimum wage working part-time (10 hours per week, if I'm lucky) at a retail store. I live with my parents because I can't afford anything else. PLEASE DO NOT MISTAKE THIS FOR COMPLAINING! I thank God every single day for the fact that I have a roof over my head, food to eat, and my parents do give me plenty of freedom. BUT, I am 22 years old...I'm ready for my own space, and that's all I really have to say about that.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So far, I've sent out (what seems like) millions of resumes and applications to places, whether they are hiring at the moment or not, with no results so far. At the moment, I don't think I'll name individual companies. I'll say that jobs are either NK (no kinesiology required) or Kines. jobs to distinguish between what is up my alley, or just a job that I can do that uses skills other than what I learned in college. Here are some of my favorite experiences so far:

A) a NK job, and my first resume sent out since graduation. I was going on a trip as soon as I left school and I was planning on starting my job search after I got back, but I found one job which sounded like so much fun and I would be doing something I was very knowledgeable about and that I could really see myself excelling in. I decided to go ahead and send my resume because there was a DEADLINE of May 20.
I go on my vacation (approx. may 18-22), and when I get back I call this company and speak directly to the person in charge of hiring someone for this position. No word yet. Ok, I'll call back next week. 2.5 weeks total after the deadline for receiving resumes, I'm talking to this woman and she tells me, "Honey, We are still receiving resumes so a decision on interviews hasn't been made yet". Excuse me? What? You had a STRICT, EMPHASIZED deadline that I scrambled to meet before leaving the state and you are still receiving LATE resumes 2.5 weeks later? OK...makes sense, haha. Not encouraging. I keep calling approximately once a week and finally after weeks of nothing, I hear "Sweetie, We'll be making our decision for interviews tomorrow so if you don't hear anything by the end of the week, you obviously aren't in the running".
There is so much wrong with that statement, in my opinion!

a) Calling an applicant "honey" and "sweetie" isn't professional and makes me feel as if I'm not being seen as a professional. It makes me wonder if I should take the graduation dates off my resume because it wouldn't take and idiot to deduce the fact that I'm 22 because I graduated high school in 2005 and college 4 years later.

b) I already talked about the fact that they are not paying attention to their own set deadlines, which is highly unprofessional and unorganized. I'm just thinking out loud here, but it makes me think someone promised the job to someone and they just had to accept applications as a technicality and they were just waiting on that person's application. If you want to know why I think that, it's because I know that has happened in the past.

c) The tone of this woman's voice was so bitchy and conceited. I still want this job because I think that I would be a perfect fit for this position, but after speaking to this woman on the phone several times, I have to wonder what it's like to work next to her everyday.

2) Another job I want to discuss is a receptionist position. Some background info: I loathe receptionists. I'm sorry if a reader is a receptionist and you are not like this, but this is probably 90% of receptionists in the world. I will not apply for reception jobs because I do not like dealing with them when I call an office. They are unfriendly, way to smart elic, and act as if they rule the world. But, I applied for one receptionist job because it was in a rather large company in the area that I've always wanted to work for, that I could move up the ranks in. I CAN DO A RECPTIONIST JOB, ITS NOT HARD. I applied and called approximately once a week to check up on it. There was a name and number to call, but everytime, no matter the day or the hour, I was told this woman was "in a meeting". After hearing that several times, I finally figured out that she just didn't want to talk to me. No one is in meetings that much! If you don't wish to accept calls, DON'T GIVE YOUR NAME AND NUMBER, DUH! You are the head of a department probably making good money, and a jobless college grad knows that. What's up with that?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I fully understand that from a different perspective, that these jobs probably have reasons for doing the things that they do, but hey...this is my blog and my venting about I don't like the way I'm being treated. I have many other stories to tell about applying and conversations with people, but thats all I have to share now. My life is never boring and I have a one-of-a-kind people-drawing quality that my friends and family will attest to: You'll never believe the things that people say to me. I never lie...its uncanny the conversations and the secrets, lies, and truths that people tell me that they don't want anyone else to know.

Enjoy reading my blog...it helps me to let it out so that I can remain the composed professional I am without exploding on some of the people in the community.