Done With Training

I've worked a Full Time week this week for training and learning. Of course their is still a million things to learn and do, but so far so good. I really like working there and its good until I find something better. I love my co-workers. The office manager, Michelle, is great. She's so smart and me and her share a couple quirks, which is funny. There is another girl, Rosa. She's nice to me, but I've been warned, LOL. I just want to continue the ways things are right now cuz I haven't seen the worst of her, I assume. The doctor is great. The office is really busy so I don't get to talk to him much, but he seems like he really cares about his employees so thats all I can really hope for. He's got a sense of humor I've found out. That always makes the work environment better. All the girls in the vision center seem great too. They all seem equally sarcastic, funny, and caring all at the same time. Most of them have kids though, and that's great, but I sort of feel like i don't fit in or something. Oh well, like I said, they all seem great and I'm happy to get to know all of them more.

BBW is gonna get crazy soon. Next week I'm working 4 days (a lot for there!) and I know that once thanksgiving gets here it'll be nucking futs and I wouldn't have it any other way! I really get excited when i work and I feel like I can do things and be of help to someone and YEAH. I can't really put in into words, its just a feeling of accomplishment at the end of the day.

In the back of my head I'm praying that my job will at least go FT soon, maybe even before the end of the year. I've got some plans though! I think I'll share them:

I want to redo my room. Not a full re-decorate, but I want to get a fresh coat of pant on the walls to freshen up the color and get a new duvet cover for my bed. Its gotta be something that matches my boner pink walls though so I'm still researching to find the right one.

I want to buy christmas presents this year for my friends and family. That's important to me and its something that I haven't always done because I haven't had money. Its gonna happen this year, damnit!

There are a couple new items that I want that are completely ridiculous, that I'll buy just because....
*a Betsey Johnson handbag
*a pair of Paige jeans (Paige brand premium denim)
*a new shower head, the removable kind, LOL
*and a couple of shows on DVD....One Tree Hill, 90210, and Gilmore Girls to start.


Well, I guess that's all! I don't really have much to say, just that I love working! I'm tired, goodnight.

I'm working now!

So it all happened so quickly that I didn't have time to think about it really. I have another PT job. An eye doctor's office, doing pretty much all daily operations...checking in patients, scheduling, pre-testing, payments, etc, etc, etc. Its a very small but very busy office. I think I'm gonna like it. Usually my 1st instinct is the best and its pretty easy going.

Its not a FT job with great benefits and I hope its not my lifelong career, but I'm excited to be finally working a regular schedule. The doctor and office manager both told me yesterday (my first day) that they really wanted me to go FT soon, but they had to figure a few things out first. Like I said, the office is so tiny, but they wanted to bring in a second doctor. They are remodeling next year and hoped good things would happen with that and since the office just switched over to a new and improved computer system, I assume they are just feelings things out right. I don't care though...I'm so relieved to have 3 full days of work a week for now thats all I'm concerned with.

I've soooooo gotten over everything that I had planned for my life, LOL. I do still have a sense of humor. I'm just go to work, take care of my patient's eyes, and keep looking for something better until I find it, or until I go FT at this office if I like it.

I feel weird too. Yesterday I learned a lot, but nothing their is hard, its just learning the process really. I feel like I fit in and today I should be able to jump in and start helping out. I wanted to have things to tell people about my first day, but I don't know what to say. I've worked medical office before and its not much different...you just greet patients, answer phones, and do the daily grind. I don't know what else there is to say really. I just hope this will put some money in pocket, I can pay my car payment and cel phone, and snap me out of this fog! LOL. I do have to be there in about an hour so I need to have some breakfast. I'm excited!

So much time, So little to do.

I wish I could, without sounding ridiculously desperate, how extremely bored I am not doing anything so an employer would hire me.

I'm still without a full time job, and I'm bitter, so I'm gonna explain something (again) really stupid.

I'm gonna talk about TWILIGHT. So quit reading now if you don't care, LOL.

I first read all 4 books last august, saw the 1st movie when it came out, and am now re-reading the series (1 book down, 3 to go!) I have no idea why the world of twilight is so all-consuming. I'm not a ridiculous 14 year old who is all "oh edward...." but really, and this is coming from so one who is normally so level-headed and serious, its just so POWERFUL. And here's why:

BELLA: The main character and most of the series is in her perspective. At first I didn't like Bella much. She's clumsy, attracts disaster, and doesn't realize how beautiful she is. But as many stupid mistakes as she makes (actually this emphasizes her human traits in her world of vampires so its a good thing). Her character is sort of annoying at times, especially in the 2nd book, but maybe I can understand why.
There are certain things about Bella that I identify with too. She likes to be alone and accepts silence and revels in it. This is totally me and its probably what I love most about Bella's character. She does spend time with friends and isn't socially awkward or anything and she's so smart and even witty at times, but she doesn't feel an obligation to be surrounded by people all the time. This, of course is great for Edward, but being able to identify with Bella's preference of being alone is great because so many people in my life don't understand and I think that I'm viewed wrong because of it.

EDWARD: I know, I know...what can be said that hasn't already? Well, I've got something, HAHA. Edward is possibly the most perfect love interest in any form of fiction I've ever seen, read, or even thought about and there are so many levels of his attraction to Bella that its so fascinating that I don't think I'd ever get tired of reading about it. I don't want to rub anyone's face it or anything, but if there is anyone on the planet who is like this fictional god of perfection, it might just be the person I'm lucky enough to be spending my life with. Yeah that's right I said it....KC is reminds me of Edward, and I'm not just saying that to sound good.
He can't read my mind...that is quite clear, LOL.
He's not supersonic fast...but faster than anyone else I know.
He's not cold blooded, but I don't mind.
He can't rip a full-grown tree out of the ground and throw it 1000 yards, but he's the strongest person I know and I can never over-power him. He could do enough damage (but never would) to make me think thats all I can handle.
He drives like a maniac...well, he used to. He's toned it down
But this is the characteristic that melts my heart. We've together long enough to get over than crazy honeymoon type intoxicating love (well, mostly, LOL) but when I first read Twilight, the reason I was so hooked was because in the beginning Edward talked to Bella in the exact same way that he talked me.
He didn't confess is undieing, immortal love, of course...but he curiosity and protectivness in the beginning was so indearing and so special that I've always though if something where to happen to us that no one else would ever measure up and I mean that to the core. And I'm not making this up because all of this happened long before Twilight was even first available to the public. I remember a lot of things he said to me in the beginning and I hope I never forget, but being able to re-live it through the relationship of Edward and Bella is just so magical.
At least in the movie, Edward played by Rob Pattinson is perfection. Reading the book before the movie, I imagined Edward looking exactly dead-on as he does in the movie. I'm not a Pattinson fan though....I'm a fan of Edward.

CHARLIE: In the book, it never exactly describes Charlie's look, and I was so very pleasantly surprise that in the movie he's HOTT. Yeah that's right Bella, your dad's a stud.

CARLISLE: Not as pretty in the movie as I imagined and he looks too old. Don't get me wrong, I love Peter Fascinelli and I do think he's very nice looking, but I don't think it translates in the movie as good as it should.

ROSALIE: dead on

ALICE: dead on

JASPER: not sure, but he works. I sort of wish he looked a little scruffier, but re-reading the books and imaging in the actor in the book, its a hard connection, oh well.

JACOB: dead on

EMMETT: Oh Emmett...sigh. Of course, put into the the twilight world I'd rather have edward because of his speed and intellect but EMMETT...he's so gorgeous!!!!!! Obviously its hard for me to deny my perfereance in real-life of muscles, and Emmett in the movie is probably close to what I imagine because I can't think of anything closer. Like I've said a million times...Maybe I would choose Team Emmett if given the chance. He's definitely sexy.

So maybe now I do sound like an obcessed, crazy 14 year old, but I feel my thoughts are justified. I know that Twilight is considered a Teen book, but that hasn't stopped millions of people from reading and loving it just as much as I do. Maybe I'm just making excuses, but I feel like their are deeper meanings behind the book more than just Bella and Edward's love story. I really hope that the Twilight series becomes legendary. It may not be a totally adult series, but I beleive that Bella and Edward's love and his attempts to protect her, and her strength and courage are legendary and they should get the respect they deserve. I love twilight, and I'm not ashamed.





This didn't waste as much time as I'd hoped. I'm still insanely bored and its not even 10am. I hate this.

The duck

Yesterday I went to an "interview" for a sales position. A company with a duck mascot. It wasn't exactly an interview, but an opportunity as long as I wanted it, I assume. A person like me could really do well in it if I work hard enough, but the catch is this: I need a 200 dollar insurance license, and its 100% paid on commission so there is no guarentee of me ever getting paid. I really don't like that at all. I'm so broke right now that I can't afford to pay any of my own things other than a few basic toiletries and my parents pay for everything else and I can't take it. Its such a gamble! If i had a little money saved it would be a lot easier to make such a decision because I would have something to fall back on. Technically, I do have the 200 for the license, but not much more than for time and travel to get the license, and gas money, time, clothing, etc to make sales calls before I sell my first initial contract and get paid. Some people want to say I'm not loosing anything, but really I am because I can't afford to do it, but I also can't afford to not do it...its such a gamble and I'm just not good with this!

I don't know what to do. For the first time in my life I can't trust my intuition and just do it because minute by minute my gut feelings change and I just can't decide. I wish I wasn't such a mess, but oh well, right?

All other jobs I was looking forward are completely out now. I feel like i'm back to square one. Please, God...help me.

Is it me?

My entire life at the moment revolves around finding a job, a real job. It happens every single time I have a goal. In college, it was the same way. It ruins my ability to relax and have fun because I can't relax until I reach whatever goal it is. The only problem is, I went straight from college to job hunting without a break because I couldn't take a break....are you following this?

Sometimes I wonder if it's my fault that I do this. Well, I know its my fault for acting this way, but I wonder if its my fault that this behavior is the reason why I don't have a job. I take it too seriously. But its my life...how can I not take it seriously? Does anyone get what I'm going thru here?

Lately, my usually high self confidence has been greatly declining. It comes out in my interviews, sadly. I've adopted this weird silence where its hard to talk to anyone, especially a potential employer. I still feel like I interview well and I don't get emotional in interviews, but it literally takes everything I have to walk in with a smile on face, sit down, talk, and listen and answer questions. I feel like its my fault that I don't have a job yet because of this behavior and I don't know how to change it.

The silence comes from the fact that I feel like people never shut up. I know that I talk to much at times too, but all day long, not matter where I go or what I do, there are people around me running their mouths about everything except things that matter. I love talking to people that are positive, interesting, and communicate their thoughts and opinions well, but those conversations are so few and far in between. I think the last time I had a conversation like this with a stranger was weeks ago at the church where there is a free gym that I work out at a lot. He was an older man, at least 65. He had a heart attack a while ago and was still on oxygen, but he was working towards recovery by walking on the treadmill. I, of course, in my attempts to not talk to anyone, had my headphones in and he began to talk anyways. I took one ear out to listen and soon took out both ears and put my ipod away and continued to converse with this man for as long as was on the treadmill that day. We talked about faith, church, and he shared his story of his young adopted granddaughter who had suffered some stranger medical issues that left her blind. It was so refreshing to hear how this man, his family, and his granddaughter stayed positive and you could definitely tell this man knew what he was doing in life because of his genuine happiness. I miss that in people. I really do. I pick up way to easily on the attitudes of others and I know this, so this is the kind of people I want to talk to for encouragment.

If it is so easy for me to talk to strangers, why is it so hard for me to find words to talk to my friends and family? I honestly have no idea. Its not that I don't want to talk to them, I want to talk to all of them...but I just can't find the words. Why is that? Its so frustrating and I can't really describe what it is or what it feels like...its just a weird silence. I hope its just a phase and once I figure some things out maybe it'll get better.

Most of the time I feel like every problem that affects me is directly my fault. I tell myself that its not, but I can't be convinced. I got thru college in 4 years which to me is still a huge deal, but I don't feel like I have anything to show for it. The longer I look for a job, the more I feel like I will never have anything to show for it, except the fact that my parents money can buy anything but I can't do anything for myself. Its a very humbling experience, but not in a good way. Maybe I've been overconfident for too long, maybe I'm not as great as I was told I was. Either way it doesn't matter. I'm not here to be the best, I'm here to work hard and help people who are less fortunate than me. But one more question, How can I do that without direction?

Thats what I need, direction. I don't feel like its in the classroom, I don't feel like its in a job persay, I don't know where it is, but I know that I'm not gonna find it by spending even more money that isn't mine and I'm not gonna find by stupid distractions such as vacations, drinking, and feeling "entitled" to the fun things in life. To me, all those things are a reward of hard work put in. I haven't done that yet apparently so I'm just waiting and praying for my chance. I'll go anywhere or do anything, i just need to find it soon.

I'm going running now....hopefully to sweat out the negative energy in me and have a good weekend. There isn't any jon hunting on the weekends, by the way.

A little fun again

So my job interview yesterday went, well...ok i guess. We'll just have to wait and see what happens. There is something else I need to get off my chest that is so stupid, I can only say it in a blog that no one reads, haha. Here it is:

CURRENT TRENDS I WISH WOULD GO AWAY!!!!!! and some other things that people do with fashion that really annoys me...

(1)PEEP TOE PUMPS I prefer open toe sandals and pumps for summer and close toe for winter. I know that the current trend tells people to wear peep-toes with tights in the winter but I think it looks stupid and incomplete.

(2) LONG TUNIC TOPS WITH TIGHTS/SKINNY JEANS/ETC I don't mind roomier tops but not the ones that are long enough to be dresses. I think a long top with tights or tight pants should be kept to those girls 12 and under. It just looks weird.

(3) DRASTICALLY SKINNY JEANS AKA, THE ONES THAT LOOK PAINTED ON AND HIGH WAISTED JEANS. Not everyone can pull off low-rise jeans, and that is just fine. but jeans with a 10 inch zipper or that cover well about the belly button are just UNcomfortable!!!!! I have a pair of shorts that is pretty high rise and yes they suck me in, but I can't hardly stand to sit in them and depending on the top, they look bunchy and stupid. Come on people!

(4) SOLID COLOR T-SHIRTS LAYERED WITH A TANK TOP *OVER* THE T. Once again, a great way to look 10 years old. I can't stand this look on ANYONE. A tank top is a tank top for a reason, to show off shoulders and back. A t-shirt is a t-shirt for a reason, to cover up shoulders and back. I don't care how cute you think your tank is, don't wear it OVER a t-shirt, EVER.

(5) WHAT'S WITH ALL THE LAYERS, ANYWAYS? Ok, I don't understand this at all! In the hot summer months, you see people out wearing jeans, flip flops, a t-shirt, at least one and sometimes 2 tanks underneath, and a bra. Really? That many straps looks ridiculous. Lighten up! Wear just a bra and one shirt. What is so wrong with that? In some, not all circumstances, less is more. I'm not saying run around naked or anything, but people who wear so many layers look complicated, like they are trying to cover something up, and who wants that, right?

(6) FLIP-FLOPS WITH EVERYTHING. This one really gets to me. We all love flip-flops, and I wear tons of them in the summer with casual outfits and to the lake/pool/beach. NEVER NEVER EVER EVER wear flip flops with dress pants, dresses or skirts. It completely ruins the outfit and makes you look as cheap as your $5 wal-mart flip-flops. I'm not saying you have to wear hooker-stilettos, their are some great cute, comfortable flat sandals and mary-janes that look great and actually say "I know what I'm doing" a million times better than a stupid pair of flip flops.

------Ok, I feel better now. I'm sure as soon as the next fashion season rolls around I'll have a ton more to add to this list, lol. Later bitches.

Another Interview in a Couple Hours!

This time its a medical office. Medical assistant for a neurologist in town. I'm really excited about this one! Its hard sometimes for me consider wearing scrubs everyday indefinitely, but why am I complaining about that? LOL! The doctor is a woman and that sort of intimidates me for obvious reasons. Working in a medical office full of women is hard enough as it is but I've never worked for a woman doctor before. This could be great, or not so great, but we shall see!

I finally heard back from the imaging center and its just what I expected...I'm not gonna get a 2nd interview because there are many more qualified people with sales experience. I really wanted the job, but I'm ok with that answer because I knew what I was up against. I'm still very flattered with just getting an interview. Maybe the position will open again someday when I'm even better qualified, who knows?!

I haven't heard back from the communications company either. I really would love to get a call back before my interview today, but that isn't going to happen, LOL. Honestly, I don't know which to take if offered both. I don't want to get my hopes up or assume I'm that awesome, but I'm just exploring my options. It'll come down to what pays more, frankly, and scrubs vs. business attire. I know that doesn't mean ANYTHING AT ALL, but it could be important in the long run.

Still, interviewing alone gives me a boost in confidence and moral, even when I don't get the job. I know that eventually I'll find something, as long as my resumes are being reviewed and people are at least interested in what I have to offer.

On a lighter note, anyone know where I can find a webkinz grey arabian? I need one yesterday and I don't think they exist in Somerset and its starting to annoy me. After my interview since I'll already be dressed and out I need to look a couple more places.

This is day is only complicated by the fact that I'm having an allergy issue. There is a ton of pressure in my head and my throat is semi-closed. Not a full on attack yet, but I hope I can keep it under wraps and do a good job in my interview and come home and crash until I feel better. Yay for interviews, I'll let you know as soon I know how it goes!